Grieving

Unanswered questions

circleinteractive — Thu, 17 Dec 2015 12:59:11 +0000

Unanswered questions circleinteractive Thu, 12/17/2015 - 12:59

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Unanswered questions are common when someone dies from drugs or alcohol.

If you did not know about their use beforehand then you will also have many questions about how and why they were using drugs and alcohol.

They may have been living with addiction and keeping it from you, or they may have only just started experimenting.

Sometimes it may have been the first time they used drugs or alcohol to dangerous levels.

After his death I was just in total shock

circleinteractive — Thu, 10 Mar 2016 15:38:11 +0000

After his death I was just in total shock

circleinteractive Thu, 03/10/2016 - 15:38

Grieving

My dad’s alcohol use got worse through my teens as he moved in with his partner, who herself was/became an alcoholic, and my relationship with him suffered badly. It’s hard to connect meaningfully with someone who is drunk whenever you interact, and he was drunk almost every time we stayed with him while we were in secondary school. On the odd occasion he was sober, I got along with him very well. We had similar senses of humour and enjoyed spending time together.

Falling in love with an alcoholic and losing him

circleinteractive — Thu, 10 Mar 2016 15:29:04 +0000

Falling in love with an alcoholic and losing him

circleinteractive Thu, 03/10/2016 - 15:29

Grieving

I met my late boyfriend in July 2006. I was travelling in Canada. He was a good person with a big heart, kind and funny and I think the only issue was he liked to have a drink, which was not an issue at that time.

I’m looking after bereaved children as well as dealing with my own grief

circleinteractive — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 10:21:39 +0000

I’m looking after bereaved children as well as dealing with my own grief circleinteractive Fri, 02/26/2016 - 10:21

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Looking after a child or young person who also had a relationship with someone who has died from drugs or alcohol brings is challenging.

It is very stressful to have to consider their feelings and needs while dealing with your own grief.

There is no right way for a child to react or grieve, and a lot will depend on how old they are. We find it is nearly always best to be open and honest as far as possible.

How children grieve

Every child will react differently, and as with adults, there is no right way to grieve.

How will I cope?

circleinteractive — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 10:17:30 +0000

How will I cope? circleinteractive Fri, 02/26/2016 - 10:17

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Everyone grieves differently, and what helps one person might not be right for someone else.

You will have to work the best way for you by finding out what has helped others and accepting as much help as possible.

It can be difficult to suggest things that will help everyone to cope because every person and every bereavement is different.

On this page are some suggestions of things which have helped others who have been bereaved by drugs or alcohol.

Some may be worth trying.

Will I ever feel better ?

circleinteractive — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 10:06:31 +0000

Will I ever feel better ? circleinteractive Fri, 02/26/2016 - 10:06

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When we first lose someone to drugs or alcohol it can be hard to see how we will ever feel better.

Those of us who have had the same experience know that grief never really fades, and we are never “over it”.

But in time we can start to feel that it is possible to live on, and even find moments of happiness, after the devastation that bereavement brings.

The grief we feel when someone we love dies can be overwhelming. It can be very difficult to see how we will ever feel better.

My relationships have been affected

circleinteractive — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 09:54:19 +0000

My relationships have been affected circleinteractive Fri, 02/26/2016 - 09:54

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After someone dies after using drugs or alcohol you will almost certainly find that some of your relationships become difficult.

Disagreements, conflicts and arguments between friends and relatives are very common.

It can be very painful to cope with being in conflict with those who you normally count on to support you.

Legacies of living with addiction

Living with someone who is addicted to drugs and/or alcohol [1.3] is stressful.

It can put a strain on the extended family.

I feel so guilty

circleinteractive — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 09:48:31 +0000

I feel so guilty circleinteractive Fri, 02/26/2016 - 09:48

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When someone dies after using drugs or alcohol we nearly always feel that we should have been able to prevent it.

Feelings of guilt and regret can be paralysing. Understanding that the choice to use drugs and alcohol is down to an individual, and that we could not have prevented their death, is an important part of learning to live with this kind of bereavement.

Different kinds of guilt

There are many, many things we may feel guilty about after a death when drugs or alcohol were involved.

I feel angry with my loved one

circleinteractive — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 09:32:15 +0000

I feel angry with my loved one circleinteractive Fri, 02/26/2016 - 09:32

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If you feel angry with someone who has died from drugs or alcohol you are not alone.

Anger is a very common emotion in this situation.

With time we may come to see that some of the things we are angry about were not within the control of the person who died.

Other things will always be harder to come to terms with.

Feelings of anger can be a normal part of any bereavement.

Feeling angry is an understandable response to feeling out of control, powerless and abandoned.

I feel ashamed and judged

circleinteractive — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 08:22:40 +0000

I feel ashamed and judged circleinteractive Fri, 02/26/2016 - 08:22

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Feelings of shame, and the sense that people are judging us can make it difficult to cope when someone dies from drug or alcohol use. This can also lead us to avoid other people and create feelings of isolation.

Sadly some people can be judgmental, but others will be understanding.

It is worth finding those who you can trust and talk to, even if it is just one or two people.

Shame and stigma

Those of us who have lost a loved one to drugs or alcohol often feel that society is judging us, leading to a sense of shame and disgrace.