When someone dies as a result of alcohol or drug use, grief is often accompanied by something else: stigma. It comes in glances, in silence, in the words people choose – or avoid. It can feel like a wall between you and the support you need. And it can make an already difficult loss feel even heavier.
Stigma can be subtle or direct, but it almost always isolates. It tells you, implicitly or explicitly, that your loss is different. That your loved one is to blame. That your grief isn’t as worthy of compassion. These messages can be incredibly damaging, not just emotionally, but also socially, cutting people off from comfort, understanding, and healing.
Where Stigma Shows Up
You might encounter stigma in all sorts of places:
- In conversations where people avoid mentioning how your loved one died
- In judgmental comments or body language
- In the media, which often portrays people with addictions in a negative light
- In your own thoughts, internalising blame or shame
It’s no wonder that many people feel they have to hide the truth. They may say someone died “suddenly” or “after a long illness” to avoid uncomfortable questions. But silence doesn’t protect – it isolates.
The Impact on Grief
Stigma changes the way people experience bereavement. It can make you question whether your emotions are valid. It can stop you from reaching out for help. It can make it harder to speak about your loved one in an honest, open way.
This kind of grief often becomes “disenfranchised” – not fully recognised or supported by society. And when grief is hidden, it can’t begin to heal.
Challenging the Narrative
We need to change how we talk about addiction, death, and grief. That starts with:
- Language: Choosing words that are respectful and humanising. Saying “a person with an addiction” instead of “addict.” Speaking of “substance use” rather than “abuse.”
- Empathy: Understanding that addiction is a health issue, not a moral failure. No one chooses to become dependent on substances.
- Openness: Telling the truth about what happened, when and if you feel safe to do so. Naming the cause of death helps break the silence.
Creating Space for Compassion
Stigma thrives in silence, but compassion grows in truth. When we create space for honest conversations about these kinds of losses, we reduce shame. We make room for healing.
Support groups, peer networks, and organisations like BEAD exist to provide that space. They offer understanding free from judgement, and allow people to speak about their experiences openly. In doing so, they challenge the stigma from the inside out.
You Deserve Support
No matter how your loved one died, your grief is real. You deserve to be heard. You deserve support, connection, and care. Stigma should never stand in the way of that.
By speaking out – even in small ways – you help to create a culture where grief through substance use is met with compassion, not judgement. And in that culture, healing becomes possible.