Losing someone to alcohol or drugs brings a grief that is both painful and often misunderstood. It’s not just the absence of the person that hurts – it’s everything that came before: the anxiety, the waiting, the fractured hopes, and the exhausting cycles of worry. When the call finally comes, you might feel devastated… or numb… or even relieved. And then the guilt hits.
This is not a straightforward kind of grief.
A Different Kind of Grief
People bereaved through substance use often carry a complicated emotional load. It’s not unusual to feel a mix of sadness, anger, guilt, and even shame. You might find yourself thinking:
- *”Could I have done more?”
- “Why didn’t they stop?”
- “What if I’d said something differently?”*
These questions can be constant companions, even when you logically know that addiction is a complex, often chronic illness. It’s not something you could have cured or controlled. Still, it doesn’t stop the questions from coming.
Living With Stigma
One of the hardest things about this kind of loss is the silence that surrounds it. Many people don’t know how to talk about death related to drugs or alcohol. You might feel like others are judging your loved one, or even judging you. It’s common to experience:
- A lack of empathy from others
- Awkward avoidance of the subject
- Stigmatising language in media or conversation
- The sense that your grief is less valid than others
But your grief is valid. The way someone died does not define their worth, or the depth of your love for them.
They Were More Than Their Addiction
When someone dies from substance use, their story is often reduced to the way they died. But the person you loved was so much more than that. They may have struggled, but they also lived. They laughed, they loved, they had talents, hopes, and relationships that mattered.
Honouring their memory means remembering the whole person – not just their illness. It’s okay to feel angry at what they went through, but it’s also okay to feel proud of who they were. You don’t need to choose one or the other.
Finding Your Way Forward
Grief doesn’t follow a neat path. Some days you might feel like you’re coping; others, it may hit you all over again. The journey is different for everyone. What matters is finding support that understands the specific weight of this kind of loss.
Projects like BEAD (Bereaved through Alcohol and Drugs) exist to offer that understanding. They provide space to share stories, connect with others, and begin to process a grief that’s often hidden.
You are not alone in this. Others have walked this road. Your experience matters. Your voice deserves to be heard.
Love at the Heart of Loss
At the centre of this pain is love. You grieve because you cared. No matter how difficult the relationship may have been, or how complex the circumstances, that love still matters.
Grieving someone lost to alcohol or drugs is not shameful. It is deeply human. And it deserves to be seen, shared, and supported.