Healing after the loss of someone to alcohol or drugs is not about getting over it or forgetting. It’s about learning to carry the pain in a way that no longer defines you. It’s about slowly finding space for joy again, without guilt. And it’s about honouring your grief while moving forward in your own time, and in your own way.
There is no timeline for healing. Grief doesn’t run on a schedule, and there’s no “normal” when it comes to how long it takes to feel like yourself again. For many, healing begins not with answers, but with acceptance: of the loss, of the complex emotions, and of the fact that life has changed.
Navigating Complicated Emotions
Grief following a drug- or alcohol-related death can be especially tangled. Alongside sadness, there may be frustration, guilt, anger, or even relief. These feelings are all valid. The key is to acknowledge them without judgement.
You might find yourself revisiting past conversations, wishing things had gone differently, or feeling unsure how to talk about what happened. That’s normal. Healing doesn’t mean having it all figured out – it means making space for all those thoughts and feelings, and letting them come and go without shame.
Small Steps, Personal Choices
Healing is made up of small, everyday decisions. It could be:
- Reaching out to talk with someone who understands
- Writing a letter to your loved one
- Taking a walk, eating well, or simply resting
- Creating a ritual that helps you remember them
These actions might seem minor, but they add up. They are ways of saying, “I’m still here. I’m still carrying them, and I’m still carrying on.”
There is no “right” way to heal. Some people find comfort in talking, others in silence. Some want to campaign or raise awareness, while others choose private reflection. All of it is valid.
The Role of Support
You don’t have to do this alone. Healing is not just personal – it’s often relational. Talking to someone who will listen without judgement, whether it’s a friend, a counsellor, or a peer, can be a powerful part of the process.
Organisations like BEAD understand the unique pain of substance-related loss. They offer a space where you don’t have to explain or justify your emotions. Just being heard can be a healing act in itself.
Holding On, Letting Go
Healing doesn’t mean letting go of the person. It means learning how to hold them differently. It might mean:
- Talking about them without fear or shame
- Celebrating their life, not just mourning their death
- Carrying their memory forward with compassion
Letting go of guilt or pain doesn’t mean letting go of love. In fact, love is often what carries us through.
A Continuing Journey
Healing isn’t a destination. It’s a journey that continues, sometimes in circles, sometimes in slow steps forward. Some days will be easier than others. What matters is that you keep showing up for yourself, even on the hard days.
The pain of losing someone to drugs or alcohol may never fully disappear, but it can evolve. It can become something you live with, rather than something that defines you. And in time, healing can make space for hope, growth, and even peace.
You deserve that peace. One step at a time, in your own way, you can find it.